The Ethos of Party Tricks

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I'd Like to Buy Avowal

I am not one for pleasantries, so let me just elide the fact that I have not posted in eons. Apparently Margaret Thatcher was still in office and offended by my glib remarks against conservatives, mea culpa.

I turned on the telly this morn, only to see that the "beloved" curmudgeon Regis Philbin was being replaced by Pat Sajak on Live!...This set me on a pattern of thinking about Wheel Of Fourtune, and all of a sudden I remembered once reading that Vanna White had written a best-selling autobiography in 1987, entitled "Vanna Speaks!". In said masterpiece, Vanna recounts a memorrable incident where she found herself extremely high before a flight and ended up eating an ENTIRE MEATLOAF on the plane and then passed out. No, not Meatloaf the singer, you sick bastards, however this was the 80's and he was still popular. For some reason, picturing Vanna White stoned and scarfing down meatloaf leaves me elated, euphoric, as neurons fire at obcenely high speeds in my brain. Why is this so funny? Is it even true? I tried to do some internet research to dig up the exact chapter, but alas, nothing was found. This leaves me with one choice: get my hands on Vanna Speaks! and get to the bottom of this affair. Should anyone be so kind to anonymously send me their used copy, no questions will be asked as to why they bought it in the first place.

Equation Time!

Vanna White (circa 1987)
Plus
Plus
Equals

6 Comments:

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